What do you do when a member of your team comes to you with a problem?
Do you instantly give them an answer? Or quickly provide them with a solution? Or immediately offer them advice?
Yes, on the outside that means that the individual can move on, you feel useful and competent and it’s something else ticked off your ‘never-ending’ list, but have you ever considered the downside of being a manager or colleague who does this?
Telling rather than asking.
Reading this, you’re probably thinking that there’s more questions than answers at the start of this blog, but looking at the subject of coaching isn’t that what it’s all about?
Sir John Whitmore was a leading thinker in leadership development and organisational change. He wrote five books on leadership, coaching and sports, of which Coaching for Performance is the best known having sold over a million copies in more than 20 languages. He states that:
“Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential
to maximise their own performance.
It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”
And here at PeopleUnboxed, rather than giving answers all the time, we see a great question as a key that can unlock and lead to so many great benefits including:
- Improvements in individual and team performance
- Improvements in self-confidence and self-awareness
- Improvements in relationships
- Increased motivation and empowerment
- Increased levels of resilience
All of these benefits are easily accessible from simply changing a knee-jerk answer or solution, to a thought-provoking question.
Yes, the individual needs to have a level of competence that allows you to ask these questions in the first place, but coaching and questions accelerate learning and unlocks a person’s potential.
So coaching is not:
- Problem solving for the other person
- Giving advice and telling the other person what they should do
- Leading the other person into the answer or solution you want, or think is best
Rather, coaching is about:
- Helping them to learn rather than teaching them
- Empowering them by developing self-awareness
- Enabling them to take more responsibility and thus be more accountable for their performance
To help get the right approach there is a tried and tested coaching recipe that will help you to unlock someone’s true potential.
Mindset, plus skillset, plus toolset. Let’s explore each of these…
Mindset
This is relevant to both you as the coach and the person being coached, and there is three mindsets we need to be aware of.
- Firstly, an open mindset, so both parties are open to coaching and being challenged to thinking differently.
- Secondly, a growth mindset, so both parties are looking to grow from every opportunity that is presented.
- Finally, an accountable mindset. It is a key role of a coach to create an accountable mindset in the person being coached. We want them to move from a victim mindset where things happen to them, to an accountable mindset where things happen because of them. A great question to encourage self-accountability is ‘what more can I do?’
These three mindsets of open, growth and accountable allow the person being coached to take ownership of their development and performance.
Skillset
The right skillset is critical to a coaching approach. There are numerous skills need to be an effective coach, but let’s focus on three:
- Listening – When it comes to coaching, experts recommend a 30/70 split. 30% of the time you are talking and 70% of the time you are listening. Meaning the emphasis is on the person being coached, using silence effectively to elicit more answers and information from them. A great tip is to count to five in your head once the person finishes speaking to make sure they have truly finished. Often, given this extra time, people will reveal something else they may have been holding back. This helps us to get all the information from them and gives them permission to explore more deeply.
- Questioning – alongside listening is questioning. It allows us to probe in an objective and effective way, encouraging the person to think more deeply and raise self-awareness. These questions should be clean and concise, many experts recommend a maximum of 5-10 words. Try to avoid ‘why’ questions, as they have a tendency to create a defensive response. Instead, try using TED (Tell, Explain, Describe) questions to get the other person thinking. For example: “Tell me about your approach. Explain what you think the best option is. Describe how that made you feel”. The master skill of coaching is the ability to ask great questions, so put some thought and practice into this.
- Rapport – for them to trust you, and you to trust them, a rapport is crucial. To help with this, use body language effectively. Be impartial, non-judgemental and empathetic. Create a safe and supportive environment where the person can be their true self. Keep to commitments and finally, make it about them. As Stephen Covey said in his book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ “most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Toolset
The final part of the coaching recipe is around the tools you have at your disposal, in particular questions.
Looking at more formal coaching we’re going to use Sir John Whitmore’s GROW model, but these questions can also help with ‘in the moment’ coaching too. GROW stands for Goal, Reality, Options, and Will:
- Goal – Setting clear goals for what the person wants to happen
- Reality – Checking and raising awareness of the situation as it currently is
- Options – Finding alternatives, new ideas, different solutions and possible answers
- Will – Testing commitments; building concrete plans to reach the goal
Before we finish, it is worth exploring two common blockers and pitfalls that stop us from coaching.
Firstly, time is often a big reason, but think of the long-term gain and how empowered the person could be as a result of investing the time into coaching. Protect the time to allow you the opportunity to coach.
Secondly, old habits die hard. It is quite easy to give someone an answer when they come to you, telling rather than asking. To help us with this, try to give yourself 5-10 seconds before responding and instead ask two simple yet powerful questions: What have you already tried? What else could you try? These two golden questions allow the person to learn, rather than you either teaching or doing it for them. Powerful stuff.
So the next time a colleague comes to you with a problem look to ask rather than tell. Give them the permission to find an answer, and let’s listen to see what they think. As the great basketball player Michael Jordan said,
“A coach is someone that sees beyond your limits
and guides you to greatness!”
If you enjoyed this blog, why not watch our Coaching Culture webinar, hosted by myself and Arlene, to explore this subject in more depth. or you could find out more about our leadership programmes that can genuinely help you ask and not tell.
